Always start with a consideration for consideration offer:
a presentation of the minimum transfer conditions well
within your negotiating limits. Declare yourself up front.
‘You have something I want and I have something you want. I
am a negotiator. Let’s negotiate about the transfer
conditions.’ For example, ‘I would like for you to…. I
understand that it would be something that would change
things a little for you. I think that I have an offer that
will make it a comfortable thing for you, though. In
consideration of your…, I will….’ Simply fill in your
consideration and my consideration: the minimum transfer
conditions. You have made me a consideration for
consideration offer and have done so in a way that lets me
know that you are a serious negotiator.

If I begin negotiating, all is well. I might say, ‘I might
think about what you want from me; but what you’re offering
is not enough for me to give you what you want, you will
need to….’ I have made a counter offer and we are ‘horse
trading’ as the negotiators say. Suppose I say, ‘No.’ Are
the negotiations over? Being a good negotiator you
understand my saying ‘No’ as simply my first negotiation
offer. You say, ‘That really surprises me. Under what
conditions would you…?’ I will then probably make an
opening offer - present an initial set of transfer
conditions to you. If not, you simply learned that what you
want is - from my point of view - simply not negotiable.

The following tips have been found by good negotiators to
increase their negotiating effectiveness and increase the
extent to which they are respected as effective negotiators.

Stay relaxed and friendly.

Remember the 80-20 rule. Eighty percent of the movement -
progress - will be made in the last 20 percent of the time
available for negotiating. Knowing this makes it easier to
stay relaxed and much easier to be patient.

Keep your focus on the negotiations - the transfer
conditions. Skilled negotiators will try to distract you,
will talk about things unrelated to the negotiations, and
try to diffuse your focus. Through this process, keep your
internal focus, your mind’s eye on the negotiations.

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Being a good negotiator is a skill you will find useful in
many situations. The skills you will develop will
facilitate your being more effectively assertive, being a
better problem solver, and being a better conflict manager.
Developing the skills is sometimes tedious and requires a
lot of practice. The payoff is both substantial and
positive, though.

At first, it will be useful to move through the negotiation
process in a step-by-step manner. With practice and
experience, you will gradually get to a point where
effective negotiating is second nature to you and is not
something that requires a lot of detailed activity. At
first, though, it is important to develop a negotiating
plan and then seek out opportunities to practice. It is a
little like learning to play the piano. Learning how is
tedious and time consuming. Being able to play well,
however, is a very satisfying thing indeed.

PRELIMINARY ACTIVITIES

What do you want that I have, control, or can do? As odd as
it may seem, this is frequently the step that inexperienced
negotiators leave out. Very specifically, what do you want
that I have? Here, we are talking about things, about
concrete and tangible objects. What do you want that I
control? Here we are talking about opportunities,
resources, time, or other less tangible ‘things.’ What do
you want me to do that I can do? Here, it is important to
think in terms of things that anyone with my skills, in my
position, and with my resources ‘can do.’ In very specific
terms, what do you want from me?

With ‘it’ referring to what you want, can I actually give
it to you? This is another point that amateur negotiators
frequently overlook. What they want is something that the
other person cannot, as a matter of individual choice, give
to them. Perhaps other people are involved, maybe it is not
something that the individual has the right or authority to
simply give away, perhaps it is not something that the
person can actually do, or maybe there are other factors
that have to be taken into consideration other than simply
deciding to give it to you. Under these conditions, simply
negotiating with you is not enough, since I cannot simply
give you what you want. Be sure that your negotiations are
directed to the individual or people who can give it to
you. Who all do you need to include in the negotiations?
You should not leave anyone out.

Assuming I can give you what you want, under what
conditions do you think I can give it to you? If you
believe that I will simply give it to you without
conditions, there is nothing about which to negotiate.
Simply ask me and I will give it to you. Here, though,
let’s assume that you think I will give it to you under
some conditions. In specific terms, what are those
conditions?

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Copyright (c) 2007 Michael Soon Lee

How would you like an extra $5,000 or more a year? This
money can be earned simply by becoming a better negotiator,
yet most people in the United States rarely take advantage
of the power of bargaining, except on rare occasions when
making large purchases like cars and houses. In other
countries, like Asia, people there negotiate everything
everyday and save thousands.

Negotiating is like a martial arts contest where power,
leverage and timing can mean the difference between winning
and losing. For instance, a martial artist would never go
into a contest without first spying on his opponent to find
weaknesses. In the same way, you can gain bargaining power
by doing your homework. If you’re buying a diamond ring,
for example, find out how long the ring has been on
display, the standard profit margin on jewelry and how
badly the owner wants to sell it. Finding answers to
questions like these could save a lot of money.

Before engaging in contest a martial artist warms up by
stretching.  Likewise, a savvy negotiator warms up by
building rapport and finding common ground with the other
party, because people like to do business with people they
like.

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Copyright (c) 2007 Michael Soon Lee

Nearly every negotiating book ever written takes a win-win
approach to agreements. However, master negotiators know
that win-win is for losers. In reality, nobody believes in
win-win because people play to win – not to tie, and
certainly not to lose.

In martial arts, for example, whether you are sparring for
practice or in a tournament, you do not want your opponent
to win. Even if the person across the mat from you is your
best friend or your brother or sister, you still don’t want
them to beat you. There’s nothing wrong with this attitude
because the need to win is human nature, for both men and
women, and it’s what drives people to do their best.

But let’s be clear — winning doesn’t mean breaking even.
If you are an avid gambler you would not consider yourself
a winner if you went to Las Vegas and played blackjack with
$100 for three hours and left the table with $100.  If your
hockey or soccer team ends an important game in a tie do
you consider it a win? Martial artists play to win and so
do you.

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